I prefer the word "kink." There are others who prefer other words: pervert, BDSM, fetish, or non-vanilla.
As I define it, "kink" is a sexual practice or activity that one's society does not recognize to be common. This is intended specifically to exclude homosexuality or bisexuality because both are common, if not in the majority.
Kink includes BDSM, fetishes, and roleplay. I will cover each separately.
BDSM: This acronym refers to Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism and Masochism. Yes, there are more words there than letters - BDDSSM would be somewhat long as an acronym, don't you think? A breakdown on these:
Bondage: The practice of limiting the movement of a person's body. This can be done with nearly anything - neckties, thread, ratchet straps, belts, ribbon, nylon zip ties or just words. The traditional bondage implements include handcuffs, leather bondage equipment, and rope. Some bondage practices are very stylized and involve significant practice and training, such as Shibari rope work. Others involve very little training.
Discipline: This term generally refers to a set of rules, protocols, or punishments associated with kinky play. It can sometimes be seen as similar to bondage, but discipline puts limits on behavior, rather than limits on movement. In some cases discipline can include an extensive set of very ritualized protocols, or it can be significantly more limited. Nearly any other kind of BDSM play can be used to enforce discipline.
Dominance and Submission: These are two sides of the same coin. Also termed "power exchange" the practice of dominance and submission (also termed D/s) involves a submissive individual (or more than one) giving some level of control over to a dominant individual (or more than one). This may or may not involve other kinky play, though it nearly always involves some level of discipline. D/s relationships can be full time (also called 24/7 to TPE which stands for Total Power Exchange) or may just take place within a specific time and place.
Sadism and Masochism: Sadism is the enjoyment of inflicting pain, and masochism is the enjoyment of receiving pain. There are a nearly infinite number of ways to inflict and receive pain, but some of the classic ones include spanking, flogging, and whipping.
Fetish: A fetish can be defined in several ways. The psychological definition is usually a non-sexual object or concept that is required by a person to achieve orgasm, but this is not the definition most people use. A more common usage is a usually non-sexual object or concept that creates or helps create an aroused state for a person. I will be using the more colloquial usage in this blog for a very specific reason: the meaning used by mental health professionals limits the usage only to those people who have a problem with their fetish, and does not include the larger group of people who do not.
Roleplay: Roleplay in the sexual sense is the practice of taking on the role or persona of someone significantly different than one's self in a sexual context. This can include an enormous number of roles, including the classic sexy nurse role, or the schoolgirl roles. Some common forms of roleplay include ageplay (taking on the role of a person who's age is significantly different, such as a child or teenager), pony play or puppy play (taking on the role of an animal), and medical play (taking on the role of a medical professional).
If other kink related terms require definition in the future, I will try to define them in posts on those specific topics, but this is a simple list of the basics.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Defining Sex
Here is a doozy for you all! How shall I define sex (the verb) on this blog?
Honestly, I have never heard a good definition for sex. I think the definitions vary quite widely from person to person to be really useful. While I think that most people can agree that the penetration of a penis into a vagina to the point of one or more orgasms is sex, beyond that there seems to be serious questions. Is penetration without orgasm sex? Is anal penetration sex? Is fellatio sex, or cunnilingus, or penetration with a toy or oral sex on a toy or handjobs or...
I personally use a pretty broad definition of sex in my own life, but I feel that for a scientific blog it is crucial to use clearly defined terms.
So for the sake of this blog, I will make a serious effort to be clear about the kind of sex I am discussing here whenever possible. If I am unclear, please let me know so I can clarify. If the type of sex being discussed in a study or on some other source is not clarified, I will try to point this out (and will likely be generally annoyed by the lack of specificity).
How do you define sex?
Honestly, I have never heard a good definition for sex. I think the definitions vary quite widely from person to person to be really useful. While I think that most people can agree that the penetration of a penis into a vagina to the point of one or more orgasms is sex, beyond that there seems to be serious questions. Is penetration without orgasm sex? Is anal penetration sex? Is fellatio sex, or cunnilingus, or penetration with a toy or oral sex on a toy or handjobs or...
I personally use a pretty broad definition of sex in my own life, but I feel that for a scientific blog it is crucial to use clearly defined terms.
So for the sake of this blog, I will make a serious effort to be clear about the kind of sex I am discussing here whenever possible. If I am unclear, please let me know so I can clarify. If the type of sex being discussed in a study or on some other source is not clarified, I will try to point this out (and will likely be generally annoyed by the lack of specificity).
How do you define sex?
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Defining LGBT
Since James Randi came out today, I'm going to go ahead and do my "defining LGBT" post today, instead of putting it off further.
LGBT stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender. It also usually includes under it's umbrella people who identify as queer, questioning, bicurious, pansexual, trisexual, hetroflexible, homoflexible, and any other term relating to non-heterosexual sexual orientation and non-typical gender identity.
In this blog I intend to use the terms that people prefer to call themselves whenever possible. When it is unknown what someone's preferred term is, I will use the term that appears to be most applicable.
An exception to this is that hypocritical right-wingers who get caught participating in non-heterosexual affairs will NOT be called by their preferred label, since they are generally lying. In those cases I will use the term that seems to best apply based on their behavior. Usually, this label is "bisexual" since I don't think that having a wife and also homosexual sexual encounters makes one gay.
LGBT stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender. It also usually includes under it's umbrella people who identify as queer, questioning, bicurious, pansexual, trisexual, hetroflexible, homoflexible, and any other term relating to non-heterosexual sexual orientation and non-typical gender identity.
In this blog I intend to use the terms that people prefer to call themselves whenever possible. When it is unknown what someone's preferred term is, I will use the term that appears to be most applicable.
An exception to this is that hypocritical right-wingers who get caught participating in non-heterosexual affairs will NOT be called by their preferred label, since they are generally lying. In those cases I will use the term that seems to best apply based on their behavior. Usually, this label is "bisexual" since I don't think that having a wife and also homosexual sexual encounters makes one gay.
A coming out...
James Randi, one of those most influential people in the skeptic movement, came out yesterday.
I am always enormously touched when people make the decision to come out late in their lives. Mr. Randi is 81 years old, and he has lived through enormous changes in the way our society sees LGBT people. I think it's really wonderful that he has been able to be open and honest and comfortable with his own sexual orientation.
There are many in the skeptic movement who have some serious discomfort with sexual topics, but I have been very pleased to see that those do not seem to extend to discomfort with sexual orientation. The reception I have seen so far has been overwhelmingly positive, and I hope it stays that way.
I am always enormously touched when people make the decision to come out late in their lives. Mr. Randi is 81 years old, and he has lived through enormous changes in the way our society sees LGBT people. I think it's really wonderful that he has been able to be open and honest and comfortable with his own sexual orientation.
There are many in the skeptic movement who have some serious discomfort with sexual topics, but I have been very pleased to see that those do not seem to extend to discomfort with sexual orientation. The reception I have seen so far has been overwhelmingly positive, and I hope it stays that way.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Quickie!!
Monogamous Frogs!
I find this fascinating. I guess I'd always assumed that monogamy (social or sexual, and I'll get into the difference in another post) required a certain level of brainpower - something around the level of birds. This indicates that a frog species is monogamous, and that the monogamous behavior shares a similar reason as other species - co-parenting.
They might end up finding that some of these frogs are not truly monogamous (many socially monogamous animals cheat), but the continuing relationship here is really interesting.
I find this fascinating. I guess I'd always assumed that monogamy (social or sexual, and I'll get into the difference in another post) required a certain level of brainpower - something around the level of birds. This indicates that a frog species is monogamous, and that the monogamous behavior shares a similar reason as other species - co-parenting.
They might end up finding that some of these frogs are not truly monogamous (many socially monogamous animals cheat), but the continuing relationship here is really interesting.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Quickie!
Children who watch X-rated films 'more likely to drink'
There is some clearly bad science reporting here - the study appears to have looked at the relationship with R rated films, not X rated ones. I think this is an important point. It looks to me that despite the loudly sexual headline, the study didn't relate to a sexual theme in movies at all!
There is some clearly bad science reporting here - the study appears to have looked at the relationship with R rated films, not X rated ones. I think this is an important point. It looks to me that despite the loudly sexual headline, the study didn't relate to a sexual theme in movies at all!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Who am I?
Now that I have introduced the idea of this blog, it seems only prudent to explain a bit about myself.
First of all my name is Benny. I'm a 28 year old guy in Madison Wisconsin USA. I work a pretty normal office job during the day, and in the evenings I attend classes at my local Tech school where I am seeking an Associates degree in accounting. I also run a small business (I'll get more into that in another post).
I'm going to discuss the parts of my identity here that will impact the types of posts that will appear in this blog.
Me as a skeptic:
I first started really looking at the world as a skeptic a few years ago when I listened to "Demon Haunted World" by Carl Sagan at work. I first began identifying with the WORD skeptic about 2 years ago when I started listening to Skeptics Guide to the Universe because I ran across it on iTunes.
My roots of skepticism go further back though. I got a good foundation in science as a child because I went to really good schools, and because my parents encouraged my early interest in astronomy. I dabbled in some psudoscience at various points in my past (I was interested in neo-paganism in high school, believed strongly that I was telepathic when I was in middle school) but by my adulthood I really started looking at the world with a certain amount of skepticism.
Through resources like Sagan's work, Skeptics Guide and Skeptoid, many other podcasts and blogs I have learned a lot about formal skepticism. I have spent a good amount of time learning about logical fallacy, the processes of critical thinking, and how to examine my own ideas about the world.
What I am NOT is a real scientist. I remind you - I am a tech school student. I have not attended a university, and my formal education in science ended in high school. A big part of why I wanted to do this blog is for my own education - so that I can learn while discussing these topics.
Me as a transman:
I am a transsexual man. This means that I was born and raised as a female, but live my adult life as a man. I use the word transsexual rather than transgender to describe myself because transgender is an umbrella term that refers to any person who's identity does not match up perfectly with either male or female, while a transsexual person has a personal identity that is the opposite gender of their birth body.
I have outwardly identified as a male since I was 16, but my questions about my own gender go back much further. I first contacted an organization for transmen with some questions when I was 16 (and was told they could not talk to me because I was underage), but I was stealing underwear from my brother and pretending to have a penis long before that. I spent much of my childhood praying (literally) that I would wake up as a boy.
I started a pretty typical medical transition when I was 20, and have used testosterone since then. I had chest surgery (breast removal) a few years ago as well. I am pretty happy in my body now, and I always present as male - people who do not know me very well never guess that I used to be a girl.
Me as pansexual:
Pansexual is a term that refers to the experience of being attracted to people without regard to their gender - being attracted to men, women, transmen, transwomen, transgender people, genderqueer people, intersex people.... and any other group. It is similar to bisexuality, except that it also includes people who do not fall into the distinct groups of men and women.
While I identify as pansexual, I have found that my attraction for different groups of people based on gender is different - I am not gender blind. In the past I have tended to have deep romantic relationships with women - I have been deeply in love 3 times, and all of those relationships have been with women. The best sex I have ever had has been inside of 2 of these relationships. I am visually and physically attracted to masculine men - these can be transmen or biological men, but the masculine form is super hot to me, and I love sex with men. I do not tend to be sexually attracted to feminine men, most transwomen, or people who identify as genderqueer or androgynous. However, I do have very close friendships with some feminine men and transwomen.
Me as a kinkster:
I am kinky. When I use this word I do not mean that I like to use fuzzy handcuffs in the bedroom once in awhile. I mean that fetish and kink are a huge part of my identity, and that sexuality is not something I reserve for the bedroom.
There are a HUGE range of kinks and fetishes out there, and it's safe to assume that I have participated in many of the ones you can think of. If I haven't then I probably know people who have. Many will be discussed here in detail, when a topic related to them comes up.
Much like the community of skeptics, there is also a large community of kinksters. Actually, I would say that there are two distinct groups of kinksters - Leathermen (mostly gay kinky guys) and the pansexual kink community (everyone else). I'm sure there will be later posts discussing the separations of these groups, and why I think the separation sucks.
I will discuss the ethics and philospophy of the kink/BDSM/fetish communities in many later posts.
Me as polyamorous:
Polyamory is the practice of having multiple romantic (and often sexual) relationships at the same time with the full knowledge and consent (or enthusiastic support) of all involved.
I have not really been monogamous in my adulthood. I have had 2 serious relationships in that time, and many other sexual and romantic partners for various amounts of time. I have made many of the mistakes that can be made in polyamory, and I have learned a lot about myself and love through the process.
While I think that monogamy can work for some people (perhaps most people) I think it is unlikely to ever work for me. I will discuss many forms on non-monogamy in this blog, including polyamory. Some of those posts will be about non-monogamy in my own culture, and some will be about other cultures perspectives on relationship structure.
I am currently dating, but not in a serious relationship. I suppose that will likely change over the course of this blog. I will be able to discuss to some degree my own experience of being single and dating in the world as a polyamorous person.
Well, that's me for now!
First of all my name is Benny. I'm a 28 year old guy in Madison Wisconsin USA. I work a pretty normal office job during the day, and in the evenings I attend classes at my local Tech school where I am seeking an Associates degree in accounting. I also run a small business (I'll get more into that in another post).
I'm going to discuss the parts of my identity here that will impact the types of posts that will appear in this blog.
Me as a skeptic:
I first started really looking at the world as a skeptic a few years ago when I listened to "Demon Haunted World" by Carl Sagan at work. I first began identifying with the WORD skeptic about 2 years ago when I started listening to Skeptics Guide to the Universe because I ran across it on iTunes.
My roots of skepticism go further back though. I got a good foundation in science as a child because I went to really good schools, and because my parents encouraged my early interest in astronomy. I dabbled in some psudoscience at various points in my past (I was interested in neo-paganism in high school, believed strongly that I was telepathic when I was in middle school) but by my adulthood I really started looking at the world with a certain amount of skepticism.
Through resources like Sagan's work, Skeptics Guide and Skeptoid, many other podcasts and blogs I have learned a lot about formal skepticism. I have spent a good amount of time learning about logical fallacy, the processes of critical thinking, and how to examine my own ideas about the world.
What I am NOT is a real scientist. I remind you - I am a tech school student. I have not attended a university, and my formal education in science ended in high school. A big part of why I wanted to do this blog is for my own education - so that I can learn while discussing these topics.
Me as a transman:
I am a transsexual man. This means that I was born and raised as a female, but live my adult life as a man. I use the word transsexual rather than transgender to describe myself because transgender is an umbrella term that refers to any person who's identity does not match up perfectly with either male or female, while a transsexual person has a personal identity that is the opposite gender of their birth body.
I have outwardly identified as a male since I was 16, but my questions about my own gender go back much further. I first contacted an organization for transmen with some questions when I was 16 (and was told they could not talk to me because I was underage), but I was stealing underwear from my brother and pretending to have a penis long before that. I spent much of my childhood praying (literally) that I would wake up as a boy.
I started a pretty typical medical transition when I was 20, and have used testosterone since then. I had chest surgery (breast removal) a few years ago as well. I am pretty happy in my body now, and I always present as male - people who do not know me very well never guess that I used to be a girl.
Me as pansexual:
Pansexual is a term that refers to the experience of being attracted to people without regard to their gender - being attracted to men, women, transmen, transwomen, transgender people, genderqueer people, intersex people.... and any other group. It is similar to bisexuality, except that it also includes people who do not fall into the distinct groups of men and women.
While I identify as pansexual, I have found that my attraction for different groups of people based on gender is different - I am not gender blind. In the past I have tended to have deep romantic relationships with women - I have been deeply in love 3 times, and all of those relationships have been with women. The best sex I have ever had has been inside of 2 of these relationships. I am visually and physically attracted to masculine men - these can be transmen or biological men, but the masculine form is super hot to me, and I love sex with men. I do not tend to be sexually attracted to feminine men, most transwomen, or people who identify as genderqueer or androgynous. However, I do have very close friendships with some feminine men and transwomen.
Me as a kinkster:
I am kinky. When I use this word I do not mean that I like to use fuzzy handcuffs in the bedroom once in awhile. I mean that fetish and kink are a huge part of my identity, and that sexuality is not something I reserve for the bedroom.
There are a HUGE range of kinks and fetishes out there, and it's safe to assume that I have participated in many of the ones you can think of. If I haven't then I probably know people who have. Many will be discussed here in detail, when a topic related to them comes up.
Much like the community of skeptics, there is also a large community of kinksters. Actually, I would say that there are two distinct groups of kinksters - Leathermen (mostly gay kinky guys) and the pansexual kink community (everyone else). I'm sure there will be later posts discussing the separations of these groups, and why I think the separation sucks.
I will discuss the ethics and philospophy of the kink/BDSM/fetish communities in many later posts.
Me as polyamorous:
Polyamory is the practice of having multiple romantic (and often sexual) relationships at the same time with the full knowledge and consent (or enthusiastic support) of all involved.
I have not really been monogamous in my adulthood. I have had 2 serious relationships in that time, and many other sexual and romantic partners for various amounts of time. I have made many of the mistakes that can be made in polyamory, and I have learned a lot about myself and love through the process.
While I think that monogamy can work for some people (perhaps most people) I think it is unlikely to ever work for me. I will discuss many forms on non-monogamy in this blog, including polyamory. Some of those posts will be about non-monogamy in my own culture, and some will be about other cultures perspectives on relationship structure.
I am currently dating, but not in a serious relationship. I suppose that will likely change over the course of this blog. I will be able to discuss to some degree my own experience of being single and dating in the world as a polyamorous person.
Well, that's me for now!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Defining Skepticism
There is one thing I'm going to need to do before I can get into the fun of looking into the various claims and studies I intend to investigate in this blog; I need to define the terms I'm going to use here. Since this blog is intended to be a merging of multiple communities, it will be important to give a 101 level explanation of the varied communities involved.
I'm going to start with skepticism.
At least for the purposes of this blog, I define skeptics as any person who recognizes that the scientific method is the best tool we (humans) have for discovering what is true or accurate about the universe around us. This means that we expect to investigate the claims made by others and we insist upon real evidence for those claims if we are to accept them.
Skepticism is not a set of beliefs. In fact there are frequent disagreements between those who identify as skeptics about many individual issues. Skepticism is a process and a method of critical thinking that we hope will lead us toward an understanding of the world as it really is, rather than what we would like to it be.
I will discuss in later posts more of the details of the process of skepticism. But I highly suggest that my readers who are not already familiar with the skeptical world check out the resources I list below.
- Skeptoid is simply the best short podcast on skepticism. Brian Dunning covers one topic on each brief show.
- Bad Astronomy is a blog on skepticism and astronomy. Phil Plait is a wonderful writer, and has also written 2 books I recommend: Death From the Skies and Bad Astronomy.
- Skepchick is a blog by a bunch of women. This blog is very prolific, and has great discussions in the comments.
There is a lot more out there, and I will recommend some other resources in the future. But those are a good start.
If you have more, feel free to put them in the comments!
I'm going to start with skepticism.
At least for the purposes of this blog, I define skeptics as any person who recognizes that the scientific method is the best tool we (humans) have for discovering what is true or accurate about the universe around us. This means that we expect to investigate the claims made by others and we insist upon real evidence for those claims if we are to accept them.
Skepticism is not a set of beliefs. In fact there are frequent disagreements between those who identify as skeptics about many individual issues. Skepticism is a process and a method of critical thinking that we hope will lead us toward an understanding of the world as it really is, rather than what we would like to it be.
I will discuss in later posts more of the details of the process of skepticism. But I highly suggest that my readers who are not already familiar with the skeptical world check out the resources I list below.
- Skeptoid is simply the best short podcast on skepticism. Brian Dunning covers one topic on each brief show.
- Bad Astronomy is a blog on skepticism and astronomy. Phil Plait is a wonderful writer, and has also written 2 books I recommend: Death From the Skies and Bad Astronomy.
- Skepchick is a blog by a bunch of women. This blog is very prolific, and has great discussions in the comments.
There is a lot more out there, and I will recommend some other resources in the future. But those are a good start.
If you have more, feel free to put them in the comments!
Science, Skepticism, and Sexuality
This blog, Science Based Sex, is intended as a melding of the ideas and values of skepticism with the ideas and values of sex positiveism. I have a handful of reasons for starting this blog, and I intend to discuss some of those reasons in this first post.
The first reason is that I am no longer doing a podcast, so I wanted a new outlet to discuss my ideas and thoughts with the world. I am a former co-host of the podcast Young and Kinky, and since I am no longer doing that it freed up some of my energy.
Another reason is that I have recently noticed that while there are plenty of skeptics in the sex positive communities, and plenty of sexual people among the skeptics, no one seems to be discussing the overlap in specific detail. So it seemed like a gap I could fill.
Finally, I have started to become extremely curious about claims made within all of the communities I move in, and I wanted an opportunity to explore those issues further. There are a wide range of beliefs within the BDSM, polyamorous, LGBT, and skeptical communities that all need to be questioned and investigated. I think looking into these issues would be a wonderful education for me in my own skeptical process, and this blog is intended to help with that.
I am not an expert. I do not have an advanced degree in any science field. My knowledge of sexuality is limited to what I have learned in the communities in which I take part. This blog will be a record of my own process of learning, as well as a resource for my readers. I expect to make mistakes, and I hope that you will help me learn from them.
Enjoy!
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